Outside forces beyond our control influence how we manage our work and life, but I am convinced that we also get in our own way.  Part of the challenge is to recognize when an issue is something we can control, and then change our behavior to resolve it.  Unfortunately that is easier said than done, as illustrated by the following story.  

I was speaking with a friend recently who works and has two small children.  Her husband would be described as a hands-on dad; however, my friend is feeling very overwhelmed.  In order to coordinate her work and life effectively she needs to start work by 8:00 am most days, which means her husband needs to take the kids to school.  

Her frustration is that he can’t seem to get out the door on time if she doesn’t oversee every step in the process.  And if she does let him take charge, “Not only is he late, but he forgets something important and then I need to deal with it.”  Then she added, “And you should see the outfits he puts them in!  They look ridiculous!”  

I listened for a few minutes to her very understandable frustration at her husband, and then I said, “What if you let him do it his way and just stepped out of the process letting him deal with the ramifications of being late and forgetting something important?”  

She looked at me for a minute and said, “But what about the kids?”  I responded, “What about the kids?  They are in preschool so is it really going to matter if they don’t have their coloring book one day?  And is it really going to cause irreversible damage if their clothes don’t match perfectly?”  

She thought for a minute and then begrudgingly agreed, “You’re right.  But I feel like a terrible mother.  I just wish he would do it the right way.”  “Right,” I pressed her,” or your way?  Think about how much better your work and life would be if you walked downstairs just two mornings a week, said “goodbye” to everyone and left for the day letting your husband figure it out?  For that to happen, you need to let it go.”

Here is a smart woman, with a great husband.  And until we had our discussion, she really believed that the solution to her work life challenge rested with changing her husband—no easy task.  But the truth is, she could get much further faster by changing herself.  

I have heard countless versions of this same story over the years.  What do you think?  How do you get in your own way when it comes to your work and life challenges?